Romance According to Murata
by Come-and-Gone
Summary: Anissina creates a newspaper, and asks Murata to write a column/article for her. What's a Sage to write about? A romace advice article of course! Wolf/Yuuri, Yozak/Conrart, Gwendel/Günter. COMPLETE!
1. Birth of Romance Column

**Title**: Romance According to Murata

**Genre**: Romance/Humor…mostly humor

**Pairings**: Various. Wolfram/Yuuri, Yozak/Conrart, Gwendel/Günter. Hinted Murata/Gisela (read a story with them as a side pairing once, thought it was cute.)

**Rating: **T

**Official disclaimer: **This is my official disclaimer, so I don't to keep reposting the cursed thing, stating I never will own Kyo Kara Maoh in any shape, way, or form.

**Summary**: Shin Makoku, influenced by some of its citizens visiting Yuuri's world, decided to make their own newspaper. Murata is asked to write a column in the paper, and the double black decides to do a romantic advice column. Now people all over Shin Makoku are coming to Murata for romantic advice! What's a reincarnated Great Sage to do?

**AN:** Okay, I know I should be working on, "The Back Handed Slap," but this plot bunny wouldn't stop bouncing on my head!

_This is for letters/responses to letters. _

----

Murata walked down one of the many halls of Shinou's tomb chuckling softly to himself. During the last trip to "the other world" Gwendel was quite amused by the local newspaper Yuuri's father was reading. True, the stoic man couldn't read a word of it, but Gwendel seemed to like the idea of creating a newspaper…as long as he didn't have to write it. Then, of course, when Anissina heard about it she was thoroughly convinced that having newspaper would better involve the women of Shin Makoku with current events, as well as education, and announced that she would create the first ever Shin Makoku newspaper.

Anissina then later thought the male population could use some of that education too.

In the end Anissina decided to name the paper, "The Voice of Shin Makoku". She was originally going to call it "Women's Voice" but Günter's begging, and agreeing to be her test subject for a week, convinced her to change the title. The redheaded woman then asked Murata to write something for the paper. He agreed, after all who was he to say no to a beautiful redheaded woman?

Especially a beautiful redheaded woman who use him as a guinea pig if he refused, despite the fact that he didn't posses any maryoku.

So that's how the Great Sage got drafted into journalism, for the first time in any of his lives actually.

"Hmmm…what to write?" Murata thought to himself as he entered his room. He then flopped down on his bed ideas flooding his mind. "Let's see something that can utilize all the knowledge I have gathered during my lives. What would that be? Sports section? Nah…it's hard to write about jousting, archery and sword play, and there aren't enough teams to write about baseball. Editorials? Nah…that'd be way too boring."

Suddenly a brilliant idea entered his head, and he practically jumped out of bed in excitement. What was Shin Makoku lacking in? No, it wasn't food, water, or any other necessity but romance! And lucky for Murata he's been reincarnated many times, and as both sexes, and knew exactly what it was that each gender finds romantic.

His life as Christine(1) were especially fun, and...romantic.

Snapping out of his memories, he grabbed for the nearest pencil…err quill and paper. As his quill touched the paper, Murata couldn't help the bubbles of laughter that threatened to escape his throat. Oh, how this would help the poor sexually frustrated mazoku, and what king of sage would he be if he didn't give his sagely advice?

_Dear readers,_

_This is Murata Ken, your local Romantic Advice Columnist. I will help the citizens for Shin Makoku romanticize and seduce the mazoku of their dreams, and keep them too. Heck, they'll be begging for commitment if you do what I say! Before you ask, yes I am qualified to help in this department. In fact I am over qualified._

_All that you need to do is write to me at the address that's already provided. I will answer any of your romantic questions and give the writer some of my sagely advice here in this column. If the writer feels bashful and does not want others to know that they're writing to me, please, feel free to use an alias._

_This has been romance according to Murata. _

Murata then leaned back and waited for the person from the newspaper to come and collect his article. He couldn't help but feel great. After all the people who wrote in would be one step closer to attaining the person they desire, and if no one wrote Murata wouldn't have to work. All in all it was a win win situation.

It wasn't like the paper was paying him anyways.

---------

Murata didn't know whether or not to be extremely joyful or surprised at the stack of letters, a short stack but still a stack of letters, sitting on his desk. Each and every letter addressed to him asked for his advice on matters of the heart. Who knew people would actually write in?

"Well I guess I should go ahead and get to work." Murata smiled to himself as he ruffled his hair in amusement. Grabbing the first letter on the stack, he ripped it open as he sat down in his chair.

_Murata,_

_I have a problem, and I dare you to laugh. You see I have this fiancé who wouldn't look at me twice even if I set myself on fire, and ran around the courtyard in circles singing the national anthem. The wimp is too preoccupied with training with my brother, finding another artifact, flirting with other people, and playing that ridiculous game of baseball. _

_Seriously, what's so amusing about hitting a ball with a stick? Stupid stick and ball game! Who made up that asinine sport anyway?_

_Anyway, it seems like every time I get close to him he pushes me away. I've tried everything! I follow him on his adventures, and I even sleep in the same room! I have run out of ideas, what should I do?_

_The Lone Wolf._

"Wolfram?!" Murata squealed with laughter, clutching the letter. Shaking his head, with a wide, cheshire cat smile on his face, he thought aloud, "he must be pretty desperate to try and get my advice through the paper. Maybe he was too embarrassed to ask me in person and thought he would remain anonymous this way?" Laughing again Murata grabbed a sheet of paper and began to write.

_Wolfram?! _

_Lone Wolf? Man that is a lame alias. Seriously, can't you do better?_

_Anyway this "mysterious fiancé" that you speak of, and the constant pushing away, is a fairly common problem. Why do wimps always have to make things so difficult? Am I right? Anyway it sounds like your fiancé just feels suffocated. _

_Before you get all angry about me saying the poor guy is feeling suffocated ,remember you even said you pretty much follow him everywhere. Now, what I suggest is that you give him space and let your fiancé come to you. Even give the wimp the cold shoulder if necessary. _

_When he does come to you, try to get involved with his interests. Like baseball for example. Then after a while you two can play your own special game of 'ball and stick' if you get my drift. Wink wink._

_Give it your all,_

_Romance according to Murata._

Hoping the blonde wouldn't be too angry that he revealed his identity, Murata placed his reply on to top of the original letter in a folder so that both could be printed in the romantic advice column. After all, it wouldn't make sense to the other readers if he didn't post the question with his answer.

Grabbing another letter, Murata relaxed into the chair and began to read the next letter.

_Dear Murata,_

_I am slowly going insane. There is this beautiful, bubbly, guy I work with, but I think he's in love with another man. A younger man of all things, and I honestly think that one of these days he's going to take my joke about tying this young man up and keeping him to himself seriously._

_Okay, I know I shouldn't make jokes about these types of things. After all tying someone up against their will is a felony. It's just the man always bugs me when I am trying to work. And, in case you haven't noticed, I don't know anything about love, romance, or dating…it just all seemed so…so nonsensical!_

_Please help,_

_The Dark Horse._

Murata couldn't keep the laughter bottled up while he read the letter. Who knew Gwendel actually had hormones? Not only hormones, but the man had it bad for Günter Von Christ! A man who is not only excitable, but unpredictable. Biting his bottom lip, Murata grabbed for his quill and began to write his response.

_Dear Gwendel,_

_Who knew you had it in you? Well first things first, you seem to be on the right track. I mean this guy actually feels comfortable enough around you to interrupt you at work, and talk. Not only talk to you, but complain to you too, congratulations!_

_Alas, you still have a lot of work to do before asking this guy out. Have you made an attempt to talk the guy about stuff that is not work related? Try that. Also, your constant frowning may be way to intimidating. Try smiling, or smirking, at this man while he is in your office. It'll not only show that you enjoy his company, but it'll be refreshing to everybody._

_Best Wishes!_

_Romance according to Murata_

Shoving both papers into the folder, Murata reached for the next letter. Murata's interest was piqued when he notice the envelope was slightly different that the others. It was crumpled up, with many different stamps on it. So it appeared that whoever wrote it had to have it sent through various mailers to get it to him. Cocking his head to the side with interest Murata quickly tore open the envelope.

_Hey Murata,_

_How are things in your neck of the woods? Things are good here, wish I could tell you where here is. Sadly, it's a secret, ya know?_

_Okay kiddo, I'm going to get straight to the reason why I wrote to ya. I liked this guy for years now. We grew up together, fought in the war together, and still hang out. A lot. I also flirt with the guy. A lot._

_But he's so freaking clueless!!!!!!!!!!!! All he does is smile that damned smile of his, and brushes it off, thinking I'm just joking around or something!_

_Did I mention people flirt with this guys a lot? Well they do and I'm pretty sick of it. _

_Got any suggestions?_

_Signed The Red Menace._

Murata snorted to himself as he read the letter. Who knew being the romance column guy would be so entertaining? Also, as an added perk, he was the first to know all the juicy gossip for once, instead of the maids.

"So Yozak likes Conrad, eh?" Murata sighed to himself, rubbing his chin in thought. "I should have seen that one." Dipping his quill in the ink, he began to write on a fresh piece of paper.

_Dear Red Menace,_

_I'm not going to lie to you. Seducing Lord Weller will not be an easy task. It's not that he's hard to get close to, or that he's unlovable, it's just the poor guy doesn't have a clue about love. He most likely doesn't have a clue that people are interested in him, and thinks that they're just being friendly. _

_I'm telling you you're going to have to use a direct approach. You're going to have to march up to the guy and kiss him dead on the lips to get it through his thick head. After that, who knows what will happen. _

_Maybe he'll laugh it off, if that's the case keep kissing him every day until Conrart understands. If he kisses back congrats! If he just stares afterwards, explain your feelings and kiss him again._

_If he asks you what the matter with you is, just say it was a joke and be content to be just friends._

_Either way you still get a kiss._

_Good luck…you're going to need it,_

_Romance according to Murata._

Dropping his quill, Murata shook his hand to lessen the cramp he was starting to feel. With his other hand, the double black placed the papers snuggly inside the folder. He then glared at the last letter.

"Ah well," he shrugged, lazily reaching for the last letter. "At least I'll be done for the day after this."

_Dear Murata, _

_I'm in love with my commander. She's wonderful, helpful and likes to heal people, but extremely scary when she's mad._

_How do I win her over?_

_The Bald Knight_

Murata glared down at the letter. Like looking at it with enough hatred would cause the letter to spontaneously combust. Dorcas wanted to be with Gisela? His Gisela?!

Okay, she wasn't his yet, but he was working on that. He had to wait, he was still sixteen and there was no way Gisela would take him seriously! Also she wasn't scary! Gisela just knew what she wanted and how to get it accomplished. She was just…rough, and he liked that!

"He just doesn't get women with strength is sexy, that's all." Murata snorted, angrily grabbing for another sheet of paper.

_Dorcas,_

_There is no way you could ever handle a relationship with Gisela._

_Better luck next time,_

_Romance according to Murata. _

With that final letter, Murata shoved the letter and response into the folder. The double black then stood up and stretched his arms over his head, and let out a loud yawn, "Uh, it's great to be done with work." Murata then shifted his weight and left the folder on the desk so whoever collected his work for the paper could find it easily. Murata then smiled in spite himself and began to walk toward the central garden of the temple.

After all, he heard Gisela was visiting the temple today…

---

Christine is a past life of Murata's. Turns out Christine was an adult film actress.

This was originally supposed to be a radio talk show, and I wrote four paragraphs before I realized that Shin Makoku does NOT have radios, and even if they did they don't have telephones to call in the problem…sigh.

**Anyways read and review! P.S. If you can think of any aliases for any of the other characters, I'll gladly listen to them!**


	2. Angry Letters

**Title**: Romance According to Murata

**Genre**: Romance/Humor…mostly humor

**Pairings**: Various. Wolfram/Yuuri, Yozak/Conrart, Gwendel/Günter. Hinted Murata/Gisela (read a story with them as a side pairing once, thought it was cute.)

**Rating: **T

**Summary**: Shin Makoku, influenced by some of its citizens visiting Yuuri's world, decided to make their own newspaper. Murata is asked to write a column in the paper, and the double black decides to do a romantic advice column. Now people all over Shin Makoku are coming to Murata for romantic advice! What's a reincarnated Great Sage to do?

**AN:** I am sixty percent done with the next chapter of "The Backhanded Slap" and I'll have it out, if all goes according to plan, Tuesday.

_This is for letters/responses to letters. _

----

Murata sat down at his desk the following workday. The mail carrier had already dropped off Murata's letters on the double black's desk. Murata moved his copy of "The Voice of Shin Makoku" into one of the desk's drawers.

"Wow," the double black whistled as he looked at the slightly larger stack of envelopes. "I guess my last article was a success." He thought aloud. Smiling broadly, Murata reached for the letter on top of the stack.

_Dear Murata,_

_First of all, how dare you reveal my identity! What if __he__ read your article, did you think of that? Thankfully, he was far too busy teaching my little brother's fiancé, once again you're lucky that my brother's fiancé didn't get to read the paper either. _

_Secondly, I think some of your advice you gave me yesterday is working already. When he entered my office yesterday after I had already read your article. So, I immediately started to follow your advice. The object of my affection busted into office, about the same time he usually does, and started to complain about that other man. I looked up and smiled to show that I was interested in what he was talking about. I think it worked because every time he looked at me he forgot what he was going to say. However, I couldn't think of anything to talk about, so I just sat there._

_Help your ANONYMOUS reader,_

_The Workaholic. _

Murata shook his head before he relaxed into his chair. He honestly didn't think that his advice would work that quick. Sure, he knew that he would get Gwendel and Günter together but he thought it was going to take a little more time and effort on Gwendel's part, considering the stoic man was romantically and socially inept.

"Will wonders ever cease?" Murata asked himself. The great sage was stumped, but happy, that his friends got together ahead of schedule. The double black then shrugged and began to write his response.

_Dear Gwendel,_

_If you don't want me to reveal your identity don't use such an obvious alias, or chose one that amuses me. It's that simple. Practice your creativity man!_

_Now onto the advice, but first congrats are in order for learning how to smile so quickly! Honestly, I thought it was going to take you a while. Anyways, you need a list of topics to talk about, right? Since this guy is a teacher, and seems intelligent, why don't you ask him if he read any good books lately, or if he could recommend a book for you to read? Why not ask him about his family, or something along those lines? Use one of those questions as a starting point and you'll be having a conversation before you know it!_

_Signed by the luckiest man in Shin Makoku,_

_Romance According to Murata. _

Chuckling in amusement, Murata followed the same process as yesterday. He placed both the letter and the response into the folder. Murata then reached for a new letter.

_Dear Geika,_

_I do apologize for not reading your article, but I was ever so busy teaching our majesty. I was, however, informed that someone was trying to get advice on how to court my darling Gisela. I also heard that you, thankfully, pretty much shot that rapscallion, whomever it was, down._

_I still cannot believe that someone was trying to woo my daughter! She only ninety years old! She's just a baby for Shinou's sake! Anyways, thank you for putting a stop to that._

_Oh! I heard people are using aliases when they write to you instead of their real names. How fun! I'll be,_

_Tall Light and Handsome!_

_P.S. Could you perhaps send a healer over? When I went to talk to Gwendel, he appeared to be constipated judging be the weird faces he was making when I was in his office. Every time I looked at him I lost my train of thought because I honestly thought he was going to…just send a healer._

Murata dropped the letter because his whole body was shaking with laughter. Gwendel was trying to smile, and Günter thought he was constipated?! Murata doubled over in laughter, holding his stomach.

Oh Shinou his sides hurt!

After Murata's laughter died down to light giggling he began to write his response.

_Günter,_

_I would never plan on giving advice to woo your daughter. Besides, a real man would ask for your permission first. By the way, clever alias._

_Romance According to Murata._

_P.S. … I don't think Gwendel is sick, or constipated. If you're worried about him maybe you should talk to him yourself?_

Murata smirked mischievously while he placed both papers into the folder. Any fool knows if you want to get the girl, you need to be on her father's good side. Plus, as an added bonus, Gisela's other suitors would be too scared to ask for romantic advice. It's easy to forget, after all, that despite Günter's joyous personality he can become frighteningly serious. The man did teach Conrad how to fight with a sword if that was any indicator. Murata suddenly realized that letter Gwendel wrote would be embarrassing to him after he reads Günter's letter.

"Should I take Gwendel's letter out of the folder?" Murata sighed as he tapped his fingers on his desk. After a couple of seconds of deep thinking and consideration he shook his head side to side, "Nah."

With that Murata went to grab another letter leaving both Gwendel's and Günter's letters on the folder.

_Murata,_

_I understand that you're writing an advice column, and that you enjoy revealing most of the people who write into you, and that's fine. But why did you have to reveal me, the person someone is trying to seduce, and leave the writer, 'The Red Menace', anonymous? More importantly why did you have to suggest that I should be kissed by this person because I'm too thick headed? _

_Do you have any idea how my day went yesterday? After I finished my morning jog with Heika, I went to train my soldiers. When I got to the training grounds three soldiers, my own soldiers, KISSED ME! After I reprimanded them, and finished the training, I went to the formal dining hall to join my friends and family for breakfast._

_You know what happened to me as I walked from the training grounds to the formal dining room? I got KISSED by twenty-one DIFFERENT people! I got kissed by: five gardeners, two window washers, six maids, and eight butlers!_

_When I finally entered the dining room, I noticed my long time friend Yozak was there. I was slightly relieved because I was sure if anyone would know what was happening he would. Before I even sat down in my chair, the person who brought out our breakfast KISSED me in front of everyone. Wolfram, who was strangely sitting on the other side of the table instead of sitting next to his fiancé, started yelling about how disgusting it was to kiss in public and it was only a practice that commoners do, Heika threw his hands in the air saying that today was weird and muttered how Wolfram was avoiding him for some reason, Günter started demanding how long I was dating this man and wanted to know when the wedding was, and Yozak…well Yozak looked like he was going to hurt somebody. My day went down from there, and I don't desire to discuss any more of it. _

_So, imagine my surprise when I opened the paper and read YOUR column? So please don't write about me again, or if you do, don't reveal MY identity._

_Signed,_

_The White Knight._

"Damn!" Murata exclaimed as he re-read the letter. "Who knew the brunette was so popular? Looks like Yozak has some competition." He then shook his head in disbelief before he grabbed a fresh piece of paper and wrote his response.

_Dear Conrart,_

_If I were you, I'd feel flattered that so many people found me attractive. However, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I won't reveal your identity when people write in when they're trying to seduce you. No guarantees when you write in yourself._

_Romance According to Murata_

_By the way, out of curiosity, did Yozak reveal who it was he wanted to hurt?_

Murata slightly grimaced as he placed the papers into his folder. He then looked down at the stack of letters and saw an envelope that resembled the Yozak's from last time. With a grimace, Murata opened the letter, he was so not looking forward to this.

_Hey Kiddo,_

_What was the deal with yesterday? Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch the guy you're in love with get kissed by other people? Well that's what I witnessed all day yesterday! It didn't stop until I punched this one guy out after he kissed MY brunette. I was so upset that I couldn't even follow your advice._

_Any other bright ideas?_

_One Pissed Off Mazoku._

Murata met out a breath of relief. He expected something far worse that what Yozak wrote. He was still glad he was safe at Shinou's temple, a place where males couldn't enter unless invited, though. The double black rubbed his temples until a brilliant idea entered his mind. Smiling, Murata touched his quill onto a fresh piece of paper.

_Dear One Pissed Off Mazoku,_

_Why didn't you kiss him?! You should have kissed the guy, and told him the truth just like I said last time. If you did that, instead of sending me this letter you could have been doing "other" things right about now, if you know what I mean._

_I told you seducing "him" would not be easy. _

_Don't worry because I have other ideas. How about the next time the two of you are alone, and are not on some sort of mission, admit your feelings. Then kiss him, and not one of those weak kisses like he got the other day, but a hot, steamy, passionate kiss that'll make him completely forget what I have brilliantly dubbed, 'the kissing incident'._

_Good luck, again,_

_Romance According to Murata_

Feeling that this idea would work for Yozak, Murata placed both papers inside the folder. It was hard not to find the whole thing slightly amusing, and slightly wished he could have witnessed Conrad's kissing escapades. Murata then was thankful that it was Conrart that was being kissed and not Yuuri. Slightly shivering at the thought of what Wolfram would do, Murata went to grab the last letter.

_Dear Murata,_

_Let me be the first to commend you on your brilliant idea of spreading romance and free love to the citizens of Shin Makoku! Also thank you for helping my sons especially Gwendel, he's far too serious! I know you'll do a good job!_

_On a side note, I'm about to set off on another voyage to find free love soon. Where do you think I should go to? Is there a particular destination better than the rest?_

_Hugs and Kisses,_

_The Sexy Queen_

_Xoxoxox~ _

"A great place to go, eh?"Murata leered, rubbing his chin in thought as his cheeks started to flush a pretty pink color. Without having to think to hard about a place for Lady Celi to visit Murata began to write.

_My Sexy Queen,_

_If I were you I'd go to a nice tropical beach. After all, seductiveness is an important part of romance and what better place to be seduced, or to seduce someone else, than a beautiful beach filled with half naked beautiful people? Look for a guy you find attractive, seduce him, and then start to be romantic with him._

_Romance According to Murata._

Sighing dreamily, the double black shoved Lady Celi's letter and the response in the folder. He then grab for the next letter. When he felt no envelopes left, Murata snapped out of his dream like state of imagining Lady Celi in a black bikini and saw there were no more letters.

"I didn't receive a letter from Bielefeld or Shibuya today." Murata pouted. "Ah well," Murata stretched. "Bielefeld is perhaps trying to give the cold shoulder thing his all and hasn't had the time to write in his success." Murata then smiled as he got up from his chair, "and Shibuya is probably too confused by what's going on, and he probably doesn't even know about my romance column yet. Oh to be a fly on the wall of the castle today." The double black chuckled thinking of his Yuuri's confused looks, and responses.

Murata then walked out of the room happily knowing that he was going to get a letter from Yuuri, Wolfram, or both very soon.

---------------------

Okay, don't hurt me, I promise the next chapter will be some Wolfyuu! –Runs from fellow angry Yuuam/Wolfyuu fans-

By the way I'm going to try and introduce more character in the story i.e. Alford, Anissina, etc. if there are any requests for characters to write in and get romance advice from Murata just let me know! (This includes ANY character.)

**Anyways Read and Review please! First five reviewers get a Murata plushie!**


	3. A Plot Twist

**Title**: Romance According to Murata

**Genre**: Romance/Humor…mostly humor

**Pairings**: Various. Wolfram/Yuuri, Yozak/Conrart, Gwendel/Günter. Hinted Murata/Gisela (read a story with them as a side pairing once, thought it was cute.)

**Rating: **T

**Summary**: Shin Makoku, influenced by some of its citizens visiting Yuuri's world, decided to make their own newspaper. Murata is asked to write a column in the paper, and the double black decides to do a romantic advice column. Now people all over Shin Makoku are coming to Murata for romantic advice! What's a reincarnated Great Sage to do?

_This is for letters/responses to letters. _

----

Murata was sitting outside, peacefully drinking tea in the central garden of the temple. It was a peaceful day. The skies were blue and there wasn't a cloud in sight. Murata smiled as he leaned more into the outside bench, closed his eyes, and enjoyed the faint breeze.

"Geika," he heard a familiar female voice call out. Snapping his eyes open and looking around he saw a familiar green haired beauty waving at him and holding a blue folder and letters under her arm.

"Ah, good morning Gisela." Murata smiled scooting over so Gisela could have a place to sit. "How are things at the castle?"

Gisela sat down on the bench and smirked, "Very… interesting." Gisela answered handing over the letters and the folder to the double black. At Murata's puzzled look Gisela lightly chuckled before saying, "since I was coming to the temple I volunteered to carry your letters up to you and give the mail carrier a break."

"Ah yes," Murata chuckled, "the temple is quite out of the way." Gisela nodded in agreement.

"Anyways, the castle has been flipped upside down by your advice article and the maids are blaming you for tainting their lottery poll." Gisela laughed.

"Yes, well," Murata sighed rubbing the back of his head as picked up his folder and envelopes. "I better get to work, eh?" He muttered standing up away from the bench. He was about to walk away, and leave Gisela sitting on the bench alone until a brilliant idea entered his mind. Turning around quickly so he could face the object of his affection, Murata smiled brightly, "would you like to help me with my column?"

"Really?" The green haired woman excitedly asked. She then stood up and walked beside Murata, "I would love to know the questions and answers to the column before the newspaper prints it."

"You read my column?" Murata asked, puffing out his chest proudly at the thought that his crush was a loyal reader of his writings.

"Yes," Gisela nodded as they entered the shrine. "It's always nice to know why the castle is chaos." She continued and Murata faltered slightly.

"Is that so?" Murata asked chuckling nervously. Gisela, not noticing Murata's discomfort, nodded her head politely in agreement. Murata pushed open the door that led to his work station, weakly smiling at an oblivious Gisela.

"Oh, is there enough room for both of us?' Gisela asked as she surveyed the tiny room that held a desk, a potted plan by a tiny window, and only one chair.

"Sure there is," Murata shrugged. He set his folder and the letters on a corner of his desk, and then was about to look for another chair. That was until he saw Gisela hop up on one of the desk's corners on the opposite side of the letters.

"Oh sorry," Gisela apologized when she saw that the double black was gawking at her. "If this isn't okay with you I could always get down."

'No, I've always wanted to see you on top of my desk.' Murata thought before he mentally slapped his perverseness in the face. Shaking his head side to side smiling, "no that's fine, Gisela, you're more than welcome to sit on the desk."

"Thank you very much, Geika." Gisela replied politely while the double black sat down on his chair. Nodding to Gisela, he reached for a letter and opened it quickly. Murata laid the paper down flat and Gisela leaned to the side so she could read the letter too.

_Murata,_

_Is it possible for male mazoku to have PMS? Because I swear that's what Wolfram is going through! Sure, he has always been temperamental, but lately it's just been crazy!_

_For starters, he's been ignoring me…for no reason! Then, when I ask him what's wrong, he always answers 'you should know you wimp.' Now don't get me wrong, I do like the quiet, but how can I enjoy it when Wolf is upset at me? I've wasted hours trying to think of __what__ it was that I did wrong that made Wolf __this__ angry and now I'm making Günter upset because I'm not paying attention to my lessons._

_When I do get Wolf to calm down and talk to me he starts to ask, in a very demanding way, if I set a date for the wedding. After I kindly point out that the whole engagement was a mere accident, he starts to yell at me again! If I do get to talk to him about something other than the wedding, he's asking me about baseball. When I asked him what made him change his mind about the sport, since he used to openly detest baseball, he calls me an insensitive jerk and storms off._

_Help me,_

_Shibuya Yuuri (Why bother to come up with an alias? You're just going to reveal who I am anyway.)_

"Poor Heika," Gisela laughed in spite of herself. "He really has no idea what's going on, does he?"

"No, he doesn't." Murata agreed as he glanced over the letter again. "I guess he really didn't get to read my first advice column after all." He then looked up at Greta and sighed, "It's a shame he used his real name. I was really hoping to see what alias he was going to use."

"Well, that can't be helped." Gisela retorted."You can be a little gruff when you reveal the identities."

"Really?" Murata asked completely shocked at the accusation, "I don't think I was ever harsh with anyone who wrote in."

"Remember Dorcas?" Gisela replied without a trace of malice in her voice, "He's fine now, but your response, and reveling his identity the way you did was a little…"

"But Shibuya never read my first column," Murata countered as he straightened out his glasses. "Did you have a problem with how I handled Dorcas?"

"I don't mind you telling him a relationship with me wouldn't work, "Gisela answered much to Murata's relief. Gisela, oblivious to Murata's reaction continued, "I only think of him as a friend. However, there had to be a nicer way to tell him that. What are you going to do about Yuuri's letter?"

"Shibuya?" Murata asked, contemplatively rubbing his chin. "He's absolutely clueless." Suddenly an ingenious idea entered his mind and he grabbed piece of paper and his quill.

_Dear Yuuri,_

_You should have thought of an alias, matching the correct person to the correct alias is half the fun! Plus I don't reveal everyone's identity. I reveal 99.9% of the writers' identities, get it right._

_Well, first things first, male mazoku do not go through a 'that time if the month'. Don't you pay attention in your sex ed classes? Do we need to have a talk with Günter about the subjects you need to cover?_

_Alright, speaking seriously here, you can't completely blame Wolfram too much. You two have been engaged for three years now. He's probably getting impatient, and if I were you I'd wouldn't bring up, 'it was only an accident', excuse when Wolfram brings up the engagement. With Wolfram's temperament, bringing that subject of the engagement being a fluke…well it can't be healthy for you, enough said. _

_Also, Wolfram is just trying to get closer to you, and that's why he's asking about baseball. How much do you actually know each other? This will help you two get along better, and if the thought of becoming close to your fiancé bothers you, you can think of it as tips for manly bonding instead of romance tips._

_Best wishes,_

_Romance According to Murata. _

"Wise advice." Gisela nodded. "Maybe you should also put down he should watch out for Wolfram? I mean once he reads that Heika will be in trouble."

"Now where's the fun in that?" Murata smiled, handing her the original letter and the response. "Would you mind putting these in the folder?"

"Of course." Gisela chirped as she grabbed the papers and placed them into the folder. Murata grinned and reached for another envelope and ripped it open. "So who's it from?" Gisela questioned while she gestured towards the letter.

"It from, 'Tall Light and Handsome,' so Günter." Murata answered as he skimmed for the alias. Gisela half groaned and half laughed. "Do you have an idea what this letter is about?" Murata chuckled good naturedly.

"Well, I know one of the reasons he wrote to you," Gisela began as she drummed her fingers on the desk. "After he read your last article, and saw that Gwendel was trying to, 'court someone', father went into busybody mode." The green haired woman laughed and Murata couldn't help but laugh along. "He followed poor Gwendel around the castle. At first he was begging Gwendel to know who he was in love with, when father realized that wasn't working he started to demand to know who it was, finally he just started following Gwendel around just naming names of various people."

"I'm surprised Gwendel didn't just snap."Murata laughed, rubbing his forehead.

"Well," Gisela carried on, "poor Gwendel got so stressed that he knitted three plushies, and an afghan." Murata shook his head in disbelief before laying the letter flat on the desk and reading it.

_Dear Geika,_

_Why oh why do people not tell me things?! I'm not a blabber mouth! I know how to keep a secret!_

_First, Gwendel wouldn't tell me who it was he's in love with! Try as I might he just wouldn't tell me! I'm sure the reason he's constipated is because he can't talk to this person properly, and if he just told me who it was he was in love with I'm sure that I could help him._

_Oh, and Heika has been all out of sorts lately! He's daydreaming more than usual during our lessons, and __he's__ chasing after Wolfram, and Wolfram is giving Heika the cold shoulder! I'm telling you everything is all upside down!_

_Lastly, Conrart got kissed by our server the other day at breakfast! I never even knew they were dating! Sure, Conrart vehemently denied that he was dating anyone, but I'm no fool. If those two weren't dating, why would our server kiss Conrart in front of everybody? _

_Please help me,_

_Tall Light and Handsome _

"Günter does not have a clue what's going on does he?" Murata laughed as pictured the silver haired man going through hysterics.

"He's always been over dramatic." Gisela smile faltered and she shrugged her shoulders sheepishly. "You don't have to answer him. It's not like father is asking for romantic advice anyways."

"If I didn't answer, Gisela, that'd be rude." Murata replied reaching for a piece of paper and dipping his quill into the ink. Gisela's smile returned as she watched Murata write his answer.

_Dear Günter,_

_Conrart isn't dating anybody. Trust me, if Conrart was dating somebody I would have heard all about it-boy oh boy would I hear about it. Also, Yuuri is just being clueless with a twist of denial. All in all you're not out of the loop._

_Now, as much as I'd love to tell you who Gwendel is in love with I'm afraid I can't tell you. Gwendel probably wouldn't appreciate me spilling the proverbial beans. I will, however, give you a clue. __You __know this __man__ very well. He's __energetic__, and he's a __teacher__. Now take those clues and think real hard._

_I know you'll figure it out,_

_Romance According to Murata. _

The double black looked up at Gisela before handing her the papers. Gisela took the letters and placed them both into the folder, placing them on top of Yuuri's letters. She then grabbed a letter from on top of the pile and handed it to Murata.

"Thank you," Murata said, accepting the letter from Gisela. Murata then ripped the letter open. The green haired woman practically beamed at the thought that Murata found her helpful. Murata looked over the letter before his eyes widened slightly.

"What's wrong Geika?" Gisela asked as she curiously leaned over her perch on the desk to read the letter.

"I _think_ it's Saralegui." Murata said in disbelief. "How in Shin Makoku did he get a hold of our newspaper?"

"Saralegui?" Gisela parroted, raising her eyebrows in surprise taking the letter. "I don't know… maybe he has a spy around here, or a double agent?"

"That's comforting." Murata snorted sarcastically.

"Well," Gisela sighed, "are you going to read the letter and help?" She continued, handing the letter back to Murata. "You did say you'd help anybody." Sighing in defeat Murata took the letter and began to read it.

_Dear…Geika,_

_How are things in Shin Makoku? Things are quite nice here. How is my dear friend Yuuri doing? Is he still engaged to that Wolfram Von Bielefeld? Regardless, I would like for Yuuri, only Yuuri, to come for a…visit. Any suggestions on how I could accomplish this?_

_The Boy King_

'This has to be Sara's work." Murata grimaced. "It seems perfectly harmless, but–"

"It's sneaky and sounds devious?" Gisela added helpfully with her inner 'sergeant' coming out.

"I think devious is a little too strong of a word, but yes." Murata smirked as he glanced over the letter again.

"Does Sara really…care for Heika, or does he just want to use him?" Gisela questioned raising one of her eyebrows skeptically.

"I don't know." The double black honestly answered rubbing his chin in thought. "But as you said, I did promise to help anyone who wrote in." he continued while Gisela nodded in agreement. 'If nothing else this letter will definitely make things interesting.' Murata thought to himself as he began to write his response.

_Sara,_

_I'm going to start off by saying that Lord Belfield has already laid claim on Shibuya and I can't be held responsible for any bodily harm that may come from trying to seduce, romanticize, or the combination of the two._

_Now that we got the legalities out of the way, I suppose you could always say that your country is in need of the Maou's assistance that always seems to work. However, his fiancé, as well as other soldiers, will accompany him. You'll have to think of a way to separate him from everyone yourself. _

_However, given your reputation, I doubt that'd work._

_From,_

_Romance According to Murata._

"I think that you'll have to be the one to hide from Wolfram instead of Heika," Gisela winced as she read Murata's response.

"I doubt it," Murata said cleverly after he placed the papers in the folder. "After all I revealed Sara's plot."

"That is true," Gisela nodded in agreement. "I'm not sure if Wolfram will agree with that though…" Gisela trailed off handing the double black another letter.

"I think so," Murata smiled ripping open the envelope. He then looked up Gisela and saw her looking at him like disbelievingly, "well…eventually he will." Murata amended before looking down at the letter.

_Hey kiddo,_

_Well I took your advice. I took the guy that I was telling you about to a local tavern so we could talk. Everything was going well. We were talking about old times, and I listened to him grumble about the 'kissing escapade'. Just a little heads up, listening to a guy complain about being kissed by other men other that yourself, even though the kisses were unwanted on his part, is __not__ an easy task to do._

_Anyways, I kissed him mid-sentence. At first the brunette just sat there before he started to kiss me back. Words can't describe how great it was. He was wonderful._

_He was also drunk._

_He passed out from the alcohol shortly after our make-out session. Actually, it was right in the middle of a kiss he passed out to be exact. The following morning, he asked what happened at the bar. _

_He completely forgot that we kissed!_

_Help,_

_Man in Disguise _

"Oh, who was that?" Gisela asked excitedly pointing to the letter.

"Can you keep a secret," Murata grinned mischievously, leaning closer to Gisela. Said woman nodded enthusiastically and leaned in closer so Murata could tell her the secret. Smiling victoriously, "don't tell anyone, but its Yozak."

"Yozak?" She repeated until her eyes widened, "was he the one that wrote in about Conrart?" Murata nodded in agreement and Gisela squealed happily, "that's great! Wait–" She paused, grimacing as she remembered what the letter said, "poor Yozak."

Murata shrugged before stating confidently, "this is fixable." He then picked up the quill.

_Man in Disguise,_

_I'm going to tell you, and the rest of the readers, that it isn't a wise ideas to confess your love, passions, delusions, or anything of the sort to someone you care about in a bar. Especially if they're drunk. Do not fret; however, this event is fixable._

_As I said, time and time again, you're going to have to use the direct approach. You're going to have to talk this guy, while he is still sober, and tell him how you feel __then__ kiss him._

_Best Wishes,_

_Romance According to Murata_

"That sounds like good advice," Gisela smiled, "I hope those two get together."

"I'm sure they will," Murata answered, sure of his advice. He then grabbed for another envelope and opened it. The double black skimmed over the letter before he started to chuckle and shake his head side to side.

"What so funny, Geika?" Gisela asked tilting her head to the side in curiosity.

"This," Murata laughed pointing at the letter. "It's just so ironic!" he continued, Murata then cleared his throat before he read the letter out loud.

_Dear Murata,_

_I have always thought I was an easy going man who was smart enough to stay clear from unfavorable situations. Sadly that was not the case last night. A friend of mine took me out to a bar last night claiming that after the days I've been having that I deserved to get wasted. At first I declined because I normally don't like to drink for the sole reason of getting drunk, but it's hard to tell my friend no when he's being so sure of himself._

_After a drink turned into a couple of drinks I did something stupid. I don't even remember how drinks I drank before I somehow ended up with my lips connected to my friend's lips. After that everything is a total blur._

_Now here's the catch. I've kind of secretly liked this guy for a while now, but he is a big flirt, as in he flirts with many people. I've accepted that, and been happy to be just friends, but I think screwed up everything when I kissed him. _

_So when I woke up the next day, after passing out, the memory of what I did to my friend flooded my memory. So in order to salvage our friendship I claimed not to remember what happened. However, I think my friend suspects something…_

_What should I do?_

_The Lion _

"Oh no," Gisela sighed sympathetically while Murata laughed at the irony of the situation again. "At least this should be easy to get them together."

"I don't understand why Conrad didn't get together with Yozak sooner." Murata shook his head. "After all, Yozak said he had been flirting with Conrad for a while."

"Yozak flirts a little bit with everybody," Gisela chuckled. "As a matter of fact, I overheard Wolfram arguing how 'familiar' Yozak was being, when they were on their quest morgif, and they were held on some Shimaron patrol boat."

"I guess," Murata slightly conceded. He then grabbed a piece of paper and began writing a response, but not before saying, "but that's more his personality than being a flirt."

_Conrart,_

_I think you're over thinking things a bit here. I mean, for all you know, this guy may think the same things about you. Wouldn't that be great?_

_Okay, I get that you don't want to ruin your friendship, but I bet this friend of yours would continue being your friend even if, though I highly doubt, he did not return your feelings. Also, I don't think lying about not remembering a kiss isn't good. How many friends lie over something like that?_

_I'm sure you're worried over nothing,_

_Romance According to Murata_

"Here's the last letter," Gisela chirped, handing the baby pink envelope to the double black, Murata raised his eyebrow at the pink paper, but accepted it.

_Dear Murata,_

_How are you Murata? There's this boy I like, but I've only met him once. He's sweet and brave. Papa says he's a hero. I was wondering what I could do to get close to him, and I overheard the maids talking about this column. Could you help me?_

_From,_

_Papa's princess _

"Did Greta write this?" Murata blinked re-reading the letter, "and she likes Alford?"

"Ahh, how sweet." Gisela laughed, tilting the paper in Murata's hands so she could read it. "Greta has her first little crush!"

"Are little girls liking older guys…normal?" Murata asked as he leaned more into his chair.

"What when you were a little boy you didn't have a crush on an older woman?" Gisela rolled her eyes. She then smiled playfully before saying, "you know what? When I was Greta's age I had a crush on Gwendel."

"Gw-Gwendel?" Murata stuttered in disbelief as Gisela nodded her head. "Do you still…"

"No," Gisela laughed and Murata breathed a sigh of relief. "All I'm saying is that it's normal."

Murata nodded, more or less happy that Gisela no longer had feeling Gwendel. Even though a part of him thought it would be slightly comical to see Günter and Gisela fight over Gwendel's affections. Shaking off the thought Murata wrote his response to Greta that would also please her two _way_ overprotective fathers.

_Dear Greta,_

_You are too young to worry about boys. When the time comes, however, I'll be more than willing to give you some advice. _

_Talk to you __later,_

_Romance According to Murata_

Believing that his response was satisfactory he handed the letter to Gisela who cooed, "Aww, that was so sweet for you to write."

"It was nothing," Murata grinned, backing away from the desk, happy that his work was over.

Gisela nodded and grabbed the folder, "You know, I do need to talk to Ulrike, but if you want me to, I could deliver this to Anissina." She offered.

"I'd appreciate it," Murata answered after thinking it over for a couple moments. Gisela nodded, clutching the folder, before hopping off the desk. She was about to leave before Murata said, "You know, you can come and help me anytime with the advice column, when you have free time of course."

Gisela paused before she smiled at Murata, "thank you, I'd be happy to." She them bowed before exiting the tiny study.

---------------------------

**Alright I had Gisela come in to prevent the idea of Murata answering all the romance questions by himself from getting stale. Also, when I was little, like Greta, my first crush was Harrison Ford-from '**_**Indiana Jones'**_**!**

**Anyways Read and Review!**


	4. Trouble

**Title**: Romance According to Murata

**Genre**: Romance/Humor…mostly humor

**Pairings**: Various. Wolfram/Yuuri, Yozak/Conrart, Gwendel/Günter. Hinted Murata/Gisela (read a story with them as a side pairing once, thought it was cute.)

**Rating: **T

**Summary**: Shin Makoku, influenced by some of its citizens visiting Yuuri's world, decided to make their own newspaper. Murata is asked to write a column in the paper, and the double black decides to do a romantic advice column. Now people all over Shin Makoku are coming to Murata for romantic advice! What's a reincarnated Great Sage to do?

_This is for letters/responses to letters. _

----

Murata sat at his desk, drumming his fingers on his desk. Indicating that he was obviously bored, Gisela was out attending to the sick in the southern parts of Shin Makoku, Ulrike was in deep meditation, the other priestesses were training and trying to hone their skills, and Shinou was ignoring him in favor of playing pranks on his loyal subjects. This left Murata to his own devices, and unfortunately the former great sage had absolutely nothing to do.

Well that wasn't entirely true…

Murata mentally groaned to himself as he slowly turned his head to see a stack of letters sitting on the corner of his desk. Normally Murata would tackle the letters after he followed his normal daily routine. As in study in the library in the morning, discuss politics with Ulrike before lunch, and finally make his bets with Shinou when Wolfram would finally get sick of Yuuri's constant denials and hit the double black in the head with a rock.

Unfortunately it seemed as if today he was going to have go without all that.

"Ah well," Murata grinned in spite of himself. "At least these letters are always entertaining." He sighed as he grabbed one of the pristine white envelopes off the top of the stack before he quickly tore the envelope open.

_Murata,_

_First of all, how dare you even reply to my daughter's letter, and even take it remotely serious! She is far too young to even think about courting, let alone courting a man at least ten years her senior! Plus, my daughter deserves a far better suitor than Alford!_

_Secondly, why in Shinou's name did you even respond to that snake in the grass Sara? Where do you get off giving him pointers on luring __my__ wimp to his kingdom! You're just lucky that we are now aware of his actions since you printed his letter._

_As if that long haired, funny glasses wearing freak could take __my__ wimp away from me—of all the nerve!_

_Lastly, I suppose a thank you is in order. After I made my fiancé QUITE aware that I was not pms-ing, under any circumstances, he offered to teach me that ridiculous sport he loves. Even though I can't stand the sport, I agreed. So, because of your advice my fiancé and I will be spending more alone time together. So, do you have any advice on how to keep making progress in the wimp's and my relationship?_

_Signed,_

_The Fire Mazoku_

_P.S. I am sure that Sara will write you another letter. So I want you to tell Sara that the wimp is __mine__, and I won't let him take __my__ fiancé away from me. Also tell that tramp that he really needs to get his own man._

Wolfram blinked owlish at the letter before he started laughing. "I knew that the Wolfram was a possessive person, but wow!" Murata exclaimed as he skimmed over the letter again. The double black couldn't help but find the whole letter comical; Murata could actually mentally see Wolfram snort and huff as he read the angry blonde's letter.

Rolling his eyes to himself one more time, Murata set his quill to his paper,

_Dear Wolfram,_

_First of all I did not give your daughter any romance tips I know she is entirely too young to date. Although, you must admit, Greta's crush on Alford is quite cute. _

_As for the Sara thing, I already tried to explain that you already claimed the wimp. However, I did promise to give romantic advice to anyone. So, I had to give Sara a couple of tips._

_Also, I knew you would have gotten it through your fiancé's think skull if you snubbed him for a while! I'm glad he finally took notice of you! However, I think right now his attention for you is still on a friend level. Do not worry because that is fixable! All you have to do is be a little seductive! _

_Go on! Show some skin Wolf!_

_Romance According to Murata_

As he folded the papers together, Murata couldn't help but chuckle as he imagined the aneurism Wolfram would have at reading, "Show some skin, Wolf" part. Murata then took a deep cleansing breath before he placed the papers on another corner of his desk. After he completed the task, Murata grabbed another letter.

_Dear Geika,_

_I must say that the information you gave me on Yuuri was quite good. However, I'm afraid that even if you didn't print your idea in the paper it still wouldn't have worked. I'm afraid some people in Covenant Castle do not find me trustworthy._

_Also, the information you gave me was not what I desired. You see, what I want are ideas on how to lure Yuuri away from that spoiled, self-centered, brat of a fiancé he has. Also, I'm sure that said brat has most likely attempted to say something scathing about me and that just proves my point that the Yuuri's fiancé is indeed a brat. Yuuri needs someone who is mature, like myself, not a child, like Wolfram._

_Any Suggestions?_

_Mr. Right_

"Ohhhhhh, this cannot be good." Murata winced as he reread Sara's letter. He knew that if Wolfram read this he would accidentally burn down a wing of the castle just from sheer rage alone.

Murata then smiled sadistically to himself. Maybe he should go ahead and answer this letter. If nothing else, it would make things far more interesting, and less boring around the kingdom. Sure it may be a little rough on Yuuri, but the guy has had it easy up until now. With that final thought the bespectacled boy deviously grinned to himself before writing his response.

_Dear Sara, _

_Sure, I guess I could help you try to snag Yuuri away from Wolfram, but there are no guarantees that it will work. That Wolfram is a surprisingly stubborn guy. However, I want to remind you that I cannot be held responsible for any bodily harm that may happen if you try to seduce Yuuri away from Wolfram. This is a warning for not only Sara, but anyone else who wants to try and take Yuuri away from the blonde._

_Now that I am no longer legally liable for anyone following my advice, I can tell you what you got to do. You see, Yuuri is a very confused guy. His feeling for Wolfram and what society deems as acceptable back home are constantly conflicting with his feeling on a subconscious level-i.e. he isn't even aware that he's doing it. So use that to your advantage, and confuse him even more! I say you go to the castle wearing a dress because, come on let's face it, you could pass off as a girl. Then do some heavy flirting with the boy-King, and when you are sure you have him, reveal who you really are._

_Not only will be entertaining to watch Yuuri's face turn green and stutter incomprehensibly, but it has a chance of working. If it doesn't work, Yuuri will probably never be able to look at you without turning an interesting shade of green._

_However that is a risk you must be willing to take! _

_Romance According to Murata._

Murata once again chuckled as he tucked his letter away into with the original. Murata would be the first to admit what he gave out was horrible advice, but he knew deep down if he gave Sara an idea that had even a snowball's chance in working, his butt would be set on fire by one jealous and irritable fire elemental. Murata chuckles soon turned into all out laughter as he pictured Wolfram face after he reads the advice that he gave Sara.

Then he pictured Yuuri's expression, and Murata almost fell out of his chair. He could just picture Yuuri's eyes bugging out as his fiancé shook with rage.

Wiping a stray tear from his eye, Murata tore open another envelope.

_Murata,_

_What have you done?! Do __you__ even __realize __what you have done to me? Thanks to you, and printing Sara's letter, Wolfram has even become even __more__ possessive!_

_Yeah, I know, I didn't think it was possible either!_

_Anyways, Wolfram stormed into the library and was yelling at me, and asking if I liked Sara. To make matters worse, I didn't read your article, so I had no idea what Wolf was talking about, and said I cared about him on a friend level. As you can imagine that did __not__ go over well, Wolfram chased me around the library, pulling books off the shelf and __throwing them at me__, while loudly calling me a cheater! _

_Wolf finally calmed down I explained what I thought he meant and Wolf relaxed a little. However, he still continued to follow me claiming he had to protect me from perverted blondes wearing glasses. _

_At least Wolf will be calmer when I teach him baseball tomorrow…right? Well to be on the safe side, what do you suggest I should do so I don't accidentally tick Wolfram off even more? _

_Signed (I guess I'll play along),_

_Overly Stressed Double Black_

"Poor Shibuya," Murata grinned as ruffled his hair. "I can't help but feel a little guilty about Wolfram chasing him around the library, and throwing books at him. That Wolfram has one hell of an arm." Murata slightly winced as he rubbed the back of his head.

Shrugging to himself, he thought he at least owed Yuuri a response, Murata grabbed a fresh piece of paper and dipped his quill into the ink. He then began to come up with his response.

_Dear Yuuri,_

"_Overly Stressed Double Black", huh? I think you stole my own alias! Ah, just joking! _

_Okay, speaking seriously here, I must ask you, have you ever __met__ Wolfram? Because if you did, you would have known that when he asks you if you like other people he's actually asking, "Do you find that person sexually attractive, and would you rather be engaged to said person?" A person who has met Wolfram, __and is engaged to him__, would know that they should say answer that question along the lines of, "No Wolfram, of course not Wolfram! You're the only one for me!"_

_You know how Wolfram gets! You should know better! Therefore, you getting hit in the head with library books is your own fault. If you didn't know that then you really need to talk to your fiancé while you're teaching him about baseball! Hey that's perfect! While you're helping Wolfram out ask him about his likes, and dislikes! You two could totally connect!_

_Signed the true, "Overly Stressed Double Black",_

_Romance According to Murata_

Murata quickly proofread his response before he smiled to himself for a job well done. He then put the original letter and his response inside his folder. Sighing to himself, the double black then grabbed a new letter.

_Kiddo,_

_I cannot believe it! Conrart actually likes me! Well, I suppose what I should have written was Conrart __liked__ me, as in past tense._

_Look, I messed up—I messed up big time. You see after I read the article, and what Conrart wrote, I got a little angry, and I'll admit it, a little hurt. I just couldn't believe that Conrart didn't think I was sincere about my feelings because he thought I was, "a big flirt", and lied about remembering our kiss._

_So I stormed the halls of the castle trying to find Conrart. I found him walking is the west wing of the castle, smiling brightly and holding his copy of the paper. In retrospect, Conrart probably read the article and figured out that "Man in Disguise" was me and was coming to tell me his feelings._

_Before Conrart could even say something I started yelling about how I couldn't believe he lied to me about the kiss, and that he thought I was a flirt…look I was angry and I don't even remember what all I said. When I was finished, Conrart just stared at me stone faced before he just turned and left. When Conrart left I realized what I had done, you see when Conrart gets angry he does the cold shoulder thing and won't talk to you, as a matter of fact it would have been better for the captain to have decked me then for him to ignore me._

_Anyways, ever since then I've been trying to find him so I could apologize. However, I can't find him, and finding people is part of my profession! I know I messed up big time. Is there any way I can fix this?_

_Signed,_

_Red_

Murata groaned before he let his head smack up against his wooden desk. Then, to make sure Yozak's letter was in fact a day-mare, he smacked his head against the desk again so he would wake up. After that the double black shook his head and reread the letter.

Sadly, the letter was real and not some sort of day-mare hallucination.

Murata sighed before he grabbed a fresh piece of paper. He then sat and thought of what to say, and Murata, though of all his past lives experiences and mulled over some of his old wise sage beliefs, and ideas. Then Murata, with all his sage-like wisdom, wrote:

_Dear Yozak,_

_You're on your own for this one._

_Signed,_

_Romance According to Murata _

Murata then deposited both the letter and his response into the folder. Murata then shook his head side-to-side in order to clear his head. After he was sure he was fine Murata grabbed another envelope.

_Geika,_

_I knew it. I told you that if I kissed my best friend it would only bring trouble. When I first read your column I noticed that "Man in Disguise" was having the same problem that I was, and that's when I realized that "Man in Disguise" was in reality Yozak, especially when you mentioned me in your response, and I was happy. This also explained Yozak's strange behavior lately; he was acting strange because he was trying to follow your advice. _

_Anyways, I went to look for Yozak so I could tell him everything. I was so relieved when I found him, but apparently Yozak was anything but happy to see me. I didn't even get to open my mouth to talk and he just started to yell at me, and half the things he was yelling about were not making any sense!_

_To make a long story short, I was so mad that I offered to go on patrol so I didn't have to worry about running into Yozak. I wanted to calm down before I see him again so I wouldn't say something I'd regret later. Anyways, the whole point of this letter was for me to ask you if it would be a better idea for Yozak and I to just stay friends? I mean I think if Yozak that angry over something trivial and I'm too upset to even look at him. Therefore, neither of us are ready for a relationship, right?_

_The Lone Soldier _

"Ah, geez," Murata groaned after he read Conrart's letter. The double black then began to massage his temples before muttering, "I think I'm going to have do some major damage control."

Murata nibbled on his bottom lip trying to think of what he could say that could help both Conrart and Yozak. After what seemed like hours, but in reality was only several minutes, Murata got an idea. He then reached over and grabbed a fresh piece of paper and dipped his now dry quill pen in the ink well.

_Dear Conrart,_

_I know that Yozak seems like a bone head, and right now everything seems to be blowing up in your face. However, I don't think you should write Yozak off so quickly. He really does care for you, it's just he has that infamous red-head temper, he can't help it. _

_I think you should give Yozak a chance to explain himself and apologize. For him to do that, however, he has to be able to find you. So, you should go back to the castle so the two of you can talk. _

_I'm sure it'll all work out,_

_Romance According to Murata_

Hoping that his advice would help, Murata put the letter and his response into the folder. He then absentmindedly grabbed another envelope.

_Geika,_

_When I read your response to my letter I tried to think hard about the clues you gave me so I could figure out who Gwendel was courting. Sadly the only person that I could think of that could fit all the clues, and was single, was Lord __Bürger! He's an energetic, male, teacher._

_No, no, no, no- a thousand times NO! Gwendel cannot court __Lord __Bürger! That-that- man is a play boy! He would just toy with poor Gwendel's emotions. Then Lord Bürger would maliciously toss Gwendel to the side so he can go after a new person once he's bored with Gwendel!_

_When I tried to explain this to Gwendel he just brushed me off! He became all fidgety and started "air-knitting." He then said I had everything wrong. Apparently Lord Bürger, the cad, has somehow convinced Gwendel that he is not a playboy! _

_That's it I have made up my mind. I will not, cannot, and shall not allow Gwendel to ruin his life my chasing Lord Bürger! Geika, you're the romantic expert! Make Gwendel open his eyes and see the folly of his ways!_

_Signed, _

_A Beautifully Distraught Rose_

Murata couldn't help but laugh as he read the letter. He could just picture Günter following Gwendel around telling him how he should not court Lord Bürger while in reality it was Günter that Gwendel wanted. Knowing the usually stoic man, Gwendel probably didn't take Günter's constant pestering easily.

"Ah, that Günter. He's so hard headed." Murata smiled as he leaned further into his chair. His smile turned into a grin as he raised one of his eyebrows, "if I didn't know any better I'd think Günter was jealous of Lord Bürger." With that final thought, Murata began to write back to Günter.

_Dear Günter, _

_First of all, I can only give romantic advise to people who write in and are asking for the advice. Since Gwendel wasn't the one who asked for why he couldn't "court" a certain person, I cannot tell him the reasons why he shouldn't "court" Lord __Bürger. I know, this romantic thing is a little trickier than it sounds, huh? _

_Anyways, I believe you have the wrong person. You see, Gwendel doesn't care for Lord Bürger that way, and to be quite honest I'm not sure that Gwendel even knows of Lord Bürger. I know that you really want to know who Gwendel is trying to win over, but I'm afraid that I cannot give you anymore hints._

_Signed,_

_Romance According to Murata _

Murata nodded his head in satisfaction with his response to Günter. He then put the letters away and he reached for his last envelope.

_Dear Murata,_

_Since I have been far too busy with paperwork that out Maoh has been too distracted to do I was not able to read your article, or write to you. So my question is what the heck did you tell Günter? For some strange reason he thinks I am trying to court, or marry, some Booger guy!_

_He is starting to drive me insane! I swear, if it wasn't for my knitting I would of told the truth about who I'm trying to court! Just, please, be careful of what you tell Günter, you never know how he'll react._

_Signed,_

_Should I even put my name here? You already know who I am._

Murata rolled his eyes at Gwendel's "alias." Gwendel and his no nonsense ways were no fun. Smiling at his own brilliance Murata grabbed another sheet of paper and wrote his response.

_Dear Gwendel,_

_You said you because of knitting you were able to refrain from telling Günter the truth about who you were to court, but why don't you just go ahead and tell Günter? I'm sure he'd be very understanding._

_Romance According to Murata_

Once Murata was finished be place his final letter and response of the say into his folder. The double black then stood up and backed away from his chair and stretched. Murata then smiled broadly before he mused to himself, "I wonder if Ulrike is done with meditation now?"

----------------

**Ta-da! I've finally updated! Sorry, but I have dreaded mid-terms and that's why I haven't been updating my stories lately. I'd like to have my next chapter for **_**The Backhanded Slap**_** by the end of this weekend, no guarantees though.**

**Also I'm thinking of MAYBE doing a sister story to this one. However it'll about the rest of the KKM cast and reading Murata's advice and acting it out.**

**Anyways, R&R please!**


	5. More Messes

**Title**: Romance According to Murata

**Genre**: Romance/Humor…mostly humor

**Pairings**: Various. Wolfram/Yuuri, Yozak/Conrart, Gwendel/Günter. Hinted Murata/Gisela (read a story with them as a side pairing once, thought it was cute.)

**Rating: **T

**Summary**: Shin Makoku, influenced by some of its citizens visiting Yuuri's world, decided to make their own newspaper. Murata is asked to write a column in the paper, and the double black decides to do a romantic advice column. Now people all over Shin Makoku are coming to Murata for romantic advice! What's a reincarnated Great Sage to do?

_This is for letters/responses to letters. _

----

Murata hummed to himself happily. The day was starting out beautifully. The sun was out, the sky was blue and sunny, the shrine maidens were no longer busy, and today they served his favorite breakfast for…well breakfast.

Murata then glanced over at the stack of envelopes that were sitting on the desk. The double black brought his mug full of coffee, well instant coffee that he brought with him from home, before pleasantly humming once again. Drumming his fingers on his desk, Murata used his free hand and grabbed the envelope from on top of the stack.

"Hmm, I wonder what kind of romantic troubles the people of Shin Makoku have gotten themselves into since last time?" Murata thought aloud with a broad cheshire smile on his face. The bespectacled boy could hardly contain himself and ripped the once pristine envelope open.

_Kiddo,_

_First of all, thank you for the "wonderful" advice; "You're on your own for this one." That was __so__ inspirational!_

_Geez, it's so hard to convey sarcasm via a letter…oh well._

_However, I am sincerely thankful for the advice you gave Conrart and convincing him to give me another chance. When Conrart returned from his patrol I walked over there and confronted him. A part of me was mildly amused at the time because I actually caught the brunette off guard, a first in all the time we've known each other._

_Getting back on subject, I admitted to him I was being stupid and he pretty much agreed with that statement. We then decided to try and take our relationship slow and go on a date on Monday. This brings me to my question, where should we go? I mean, I don't want to take him out to a place that is too formal and put too much pressure on the first date and I don't want to take him to a place that's too relaxed either._

_What should I do?_

_Signed,_

_Red Menace_

Murata breathed out a sigh of relief knowing that Yozak and Conrart have made-up. The double black knew he would get those two together… eventually. Murata leaned, more into his chair and tapped his quill against the edge of the desk.

"Hmm, I need to think of something foolproof or, at least, a place for their date that is Yozak proof." Murata mumbled to himself in mild amusement as Murata thought back on the redhead's failures to get Conrart to notice him. Once Murata knew a place that would be good for the two, he began to write.

_Dear Yozak,_

_Nice to know you finally got to tell him how you felt without the whole incident blowing up in your face. Congratulations! I think Conrart would be an easy guy to please and would like any place you chose to take him too._

_However, since you waited so long until you told him how you felt, we need to make sure the date is one he won't forget!_

_Now, from what I've gathered, Conrart likes to be outside and doing physical activities…like sword fighting! So why don't you guys go out horseback riding in the country side, and after that go out to eat at a restaurant? I'm sure Conrart will appreciate being outside and doing something he likes to do._

_If you're lucky, he may give you a "ride" of his own, if you get my drift._

_Romance According to Murata _

Snickering at the innuendo he wrote, Murata stuffed the letter and it's response into his folder. The double black could just picture Yozak smirking as he read the letter while picturing Conrart being terribly uncomfortable with innuendo. Murata then cracked his knuckles before grabbing an envelope from the pile of letters that were resting at the corner of the desk. Murata ripped opened the letter and pulled out a piece of paper that was obviously crumpled up previously and looked as if the paper was intended to go is the waste bin rather than an envelope. Murata, however, just shrugged and read.

_Dear Murata,_

_You__ and you're insistence of answering Günter's letters, even though they have __nothing__ to do with romantic advice, is going to be the death of me! I'll have you know that I haven't had a moments rest since he read your column. Too make matters worse he somehow gotten Anissina in on figuring out who I am trying to "court." So now, thanks to you, Günter, Anissina, and Anissana's blasted new inventions I haven't gotten any sleep and I have burns on various parts of my body._

_Curse that woman's inventions. More importantly curse, "I'll-make-you-tell-the-truth-or-I'll-zap-you-kun" I didn't even get to answer a question and shocked/zapped me! My left hand is bandaged and the shock fried my hair._

_I doubt my eyebrows will ever grow back!_

_Perhaps, strictly for health reasons, I should just tell him how I feel… You know what scratch that I'd rather be tortured than tell Günter how I feel about him. _

Murata paused reading the letter that was apparently was written by Gwendel, to take off his glasses and wipe the tears from his eyes because he was laughing to hard. Oh how Murata wished he could have saw Anissana invention in action! Murata then looked down a bit more and saw the letter was obviously signed by someone other than the grumpy Voltaire:

_Signed,_

_Gwendel Von Voltaire._

"Someone forged Gwendel's name onto this letter!" the double black shrieked in a combination of surprise, and amusement. The double black's eyes then widened comically in surprise once he thought about things more thoroughly, "Gwendel threw this away and somebody else dug out and sent it to me!"

Murata paused before a mischievous smirk slipped onto his face, "I wonder if it was Anissana who sent this in retaliation. Oh, maybe one of the maids who are betting on either Wolfram and Conrart sent this so Günter would know how Gwendel feels and take those two out of the pool?"

"Hmm, I wonder if I should print this letter since Gwendel obviously didn't mean to send this to me." Murata contemplated as he leaned back so his chair was resting on only two legs. "Then again if it was sent by Anissana and I didn't print it…" Murata stopped to shiver. With the thought of the redhead being angry at him he decided to pull out a clean sheet of paper so he could write a response.

_Gwendel,_

_Wow, who knew that Günter would join forces with Anissana? I can't believe "I'll-make-you-tell-the-truth-or-I'll-zap-you-kun" not only burned you but singed off your eyebrows. Are you sure your eyebrows won't grow back? Perhaps your eyebrows will grow back bushier?_

_Eyebrows aside, why don't you just tell Günter how you feel? Obviously nothing you're doing is helping Günter get the message of how you feel. Just talk to him. _

_After you talk to him you'll feel better,_

_Romance According to Murata_

"Too bad Gwendel didn't send this all too reveling letter willingly."Murata sighed. He then placed his response on top of Gwendel embarrassing letter before putting them inside his folder. Murata then quickly snatched a letter on top of the pile and ripped it open.

_Dear Geika,_

_Gwendel still isn't telling me who he loves and it's driving me insane! Nothing I do seems to work. Now it appears as though Lady Anissana has read about me trying to figure out who Gwendel is trying to court, and has gotten curious herself, and wants to know as well._

_Honestly, I didn't know she was just as curious about who Gwendel loves as I was! I also did not know that she was going to invent some gruesome invention so she could figure out who Gwendel loved. In order to find out the truth, she invented this obscene looking chair that would force Gwendel tell the truth._

_Heika said it looked like a machine in his world that was called an "electric chair" and that the only difference was that the helmet resembled a fruit that is on earth called a "watermelon". _

_Anyways, back to the point, nobody in the castle knew that Gwendel was being a test subject for that crazy contraption until, of course, it exploded. Naturally we as in Heika, Wolfram, Conrart, Greta, the maids, and myself rushed towards the source of the explosion and the smell of burnt skin and hair. When we arrived to Lady Anissana's lab Gwendel was strapped down and his hands were burned._

_I also fear that Gwendel's eyebrows will never be the same again._

_Naturally, I just felt awful about what happened and profusely apologized as Conrart and I unstrapped Gwendel from the device. Sadly, Gwendel wouldn't listen to me and instead rushed off to his office as soon as he was freed from the insidious chair. Gwendel wouldn't even talk to me and didn't bother to show up for dinner. _

_The worst part of this tale, however, is that I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHO GWENDEL IS COURTING! So, in order to prevent myself from bugging Gwendel I have taken it upon myself to keep busy so I won't think about it. So I have started taking up inventory in the royal vault, reorganizing the royal library, as well as double checking that Heika signed his name in all the appropriate areas, while I continue to teach Heika._

_Oh, I am in desperate need of a vacation,_

_Günter._

"Wow," Murata laughed after he read Günter's letter. "I knew there was more to the story than what Gwendel wrote." After his chuckles died down Murata rubbed his chin in thought. "You know this letter is far longer than normal and he didn't bother coming up with an alias. So this must be a personal letter"

Feeling devious, Murata put Gunter's letter into the folder while he grabbed a fresh piece of paper.

_Günter,_

_Hey hard worker! How's it going? I bet now that you have read Gwendel's letter you know who it is he's pining for._

_Funny story about Gwendel, by the way!_

_Romance According to Murata._

Snickering to himself he placed his response inside the folder. The double black the stretched a bit before he reached for another letter. Murata grabbed the envelope on top of the stack and ripped it open.

"Oh no," Murata winced, recognizing the hand writing. Shaking his head side to side the double black began to read.

_Geika,_

_Your advice was less than satisfactory. First of all I do not want to trick Yuuri into thinking I am a girl. Also, while some males willingly dress up, I don't like dressing up in drag. Even the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable._

_You see, when I asked you for romantic advice I was hoping for something that would sweep Yuuri off his feet and away from his royal brat of a fiancé. Don't try to defend that blonde brat; I read what he wrote. I am not a long haired, glasses wearing freak, and I am especially __not__ a tramp! _

_How could__ I__ be the tramp? I'm not the one blatantly throwing myself at someone who obviously doesn't possess any romantic feeling for me! I'm also not the one who sneaks into other people's beds! So, the question is who is the real tramp, Wolfram?_

_Oh well, I guess I would also resort to slander, like Wolfram, if I knew that there was someone else who was better suited for Yuuri. Regardless, I hope your advice this time is more up to my standards._

_Signed,_

_Yuuri's DESTINENED one._

"Ouch!" Murata said to himself. "Sara basically attacking Wolfram and his character with the _"tramp" _talk." The double black then winced as he thought about Wolfram's reaction to Sara signing the letter as Yuuri's destined one. Murata tapped his quill on a discarded envelope as he reread the letter. "You know," Murata laughed at himself, "Wolfram is going to have a conniption when he reads this! He'll probably set the castle on fire!"

Murata sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose; "I suppose I should begin my response for Sara." He then grabbed a fresh piece of paper and began to write.

_Sara,_

_Really? You are not into drag? That long hair, long robes, and well other stuff made me think you were into those types of things._

_Ah well, moving onto the advice…_

_I highly doubt there is anything that would sweep Yuuri off his feet. Well, unless you have some sort of magic love potion or a device that could make someone fall you. Alas, those types of things only exist in fairytales. The only way to get what you want, aka Yuuri's attention, is by impressing him with you character._

_Signed,_

_Romance According to Murata_

"There we are." The double black sighed. Murata sat his quill down and read the short paragraph that he wrote to the boy king hoping that his advice would sink into not only Sara's head but also Wolfram's. After he was sure he approved of what he wrote he stuffed the letter and Sara's original into the folder.

Looking over Murata noticed that there were only two letters left on his desk. Murata couldn't help but grin at the sight. Only two more letters to read and then he could be off and continue on with his normal everyday routine. Ripping open one of the envelopes Murata began to read the next letter.

_Murata,_

_CHILDISH am I?! How dare that Saralegui imply that I'm the childish one! Last time I checked I wasn't the one who addressed myself as the boy-king! _

_Also I am NOT a brat! I'm just passionate. I strive and work hard to get what I desire. There is a difference!_

_Then that blonde, glasses wearing pervert has the nerve to say that I'm __spoiled, and self-centered! Hey, I'm not the one trying to manipulate people to do my bidding unlike the man stealer! I can believe the little usurper had the gall to sign his letter Mr. Right._

_You know what? I dare Sara to come up and say all that to my face! Unlike Sara I am willing to fight for what I want and not act like a sneaky coward and send in a guard, Berries, to do the dirty work! _

_Signed,_

_Yuuri's True Fiancé AKA Wolfram Von Belfield_

"Wow, Wolfram is pretty ticked off isn't he?" Murata whistled is amazement after he finished reading the letter. "Wait a minute," Murata mumbled to himself, "Where's Wolf's question for romantic advice?" He questioned as he reread Wolfram's letter.

"Ah well," Murata shrugged. "The past couple letters weren't really asking for my advice, so why not publish this letter too…even though it is just a Saralegui hate letter?"

Murata then reached for a fresh sheet of paper for a response. This way it would seem legit when he printed Wolfram's letter in his column.

_Wolfram,_

_Wow, I really wouldn't want to be Sara's shoes right now! Your seriously mad aren't you? Look, why don't you take some deep calming breaths and relax._

_Hey, here's an idea, why don't you take Yuuri out on a date? This way you can get closer to your fiancé and show everyone that you guys are together and happy! Plus it'll take you mind off of Sara; you can't lose!_

_Signed,_

_Romance According to Murata_

"I hope this calms Wolfram down."Murata thought aloud. He then placed Wolf's letter and his response into the folder on the corner of his desk. Murata then merrily reached for the last letter.

_Murata,_

_Are you TRYING to KILL me? Do you have any idea what YOU put me through yesterday? Well, do you?!_

_Everything was going well yesterday. Wolfram was obviously trying to be on his best behavior while I teaching him baseball and for a beginner he has a mean curve ball. While we were passing the ball back and forth I thought I would follow you advice. So while we throwing the ball to each other I asked Wolf about himself and things were going well. We then decided to take a break and eat lunch. However, I was covered in sweat so I told Wolf that I wanted to change first and told him I would meet him in the dining room._

_Things went straight to hell after that._

_Did you know Shin Makoku's paper arrives at the castle at LUNCH time?! I didn't, and I wasn't prepared for what was waiting for me in the dining room. I didn't even walk over the threshold of the door before Wolfram started calling me a cheater! He then started insinuating that I had fantasies about seeing Sara in a dress; that implication confused me greatly until I read your column._

_It's amazing that five minutes before the paper arrived we were getting along well._

_Anyway, Wolf was ticked off and started rambling that he was not selfish, childish, or spoiled. I stopped Wolf mid rant, telling him that maybe he misread whatever it was that Sara wrote. I then said that he shouldn't jump to conclusions. _

_Needless to say that didn't go over very well. After I said that Wolfram, quickly picking up the aforementioned paper, rolled it up, and began chasing me around the dining room saying that it was just like me to take Sara's side then started calling me a, "no good wimpy, cheating excuse of a fiancé."_

_I amazingly managed to escape Wolfram and decided to hide in the closed in the main hall until Wolf cooled off a bit. I swear Murata, you and this column are going to kill me way before anything else does. Murata, please, stop posting Wolf's and Sara's letters for the sake if my health._

_Signed,_

_Mentally and Emotionally Exhausted Double Black _

"Ah, poor Yuuri." Murata snickered as he imagined his friend getting smacked by a rolled up newspaper. "And the irony is that he hiding in the closet! I wonder if anyone else will find that funny!" Murata said as he laughed harder at Yuuri's letter. In fact he was so preoccupied with Yuuri's letter that Murata didn't hear someone else enter his makeshift study.

"What's so funny, Geika?" Gisela giggled as she stood is the doorway.

Murata stopped laughing but didn't stop smiling as he replied, "Oh just Yuuri's letter."

"I see," Gisela chuckled as she walked more into the room and stood in front of the desk. "I take it you find Heika's letter amusing?"

"You have no idea," Murata answered as his eyes once again skimmed over the paper in his hands. "Plus it helps that I have a good imagination."

"I suppose so," Gisela smiled. "I better get going I have a meeting with Ulrike. Good luck giving advice to Heika."

"Okay, nice seeing you." Murata sighed as he watched Gisela walk out the door. After Murata was sure Gisela was gone he scratched his head while wondering aloud, "hmmm. What am I going to tell Yuuri?" Murata was soon struck with inspiration and quickly began to write his response.

_Yuuri,_

_I'm glad that you two got along on your date but I'm afraid that you still don't know your fiancé as well as you should. For starters, when Wolf is upset with someone DON'T stick up for that person until he has cooled off a bit. Also, you should know while he really angry like that it is in your best interest to just agree to whatever Wolf says._

_At least you're making progress…_

_Signed,_

_Romance According to Murata_

_P.S._ When did you come out of the closet?

Snickering to himself, Murata quickly placed the letter into the envelope. He was then about to leave until he noticed something strange out of the corner of his eye. There was light green envelope sitting on the corner of his desk.

"Funny," Murata mumbled to himself as he picked up the letter. "I thought Yuuri's letter was the last one I had to answer." The double black then checked the address and saw that it was indeed addressed to him. He then sighed and flopped back down into his chair, "I suppose it was possible I over looked this one." Murata then tore the envelope open and read the letter

_Geika,_

_There is the boy I like but I'm not quite sure if he likes me back, or rather I know he likes me but I do not know if his affections for me extend past a friendship. I want to find out but I'm afraid I don't know how to go about it without sounding strange, plus I'm a nervous._

_You see this guy is smart but he's not exactly someone who is easy to figure out. He's pretty deep and I'm afraid if I approached him he would find me, well, childish._

_Signed,_

_Lady X_

"Who the heck is Lady X?" Whoever wrote the letter made sure that they would remain anonymous, unlike most of the people who wrote to him for romantic advice. Shrugging to himself, Murata dipped his quill in some ink and began to write his reply.

_Lady X,_

_I am sure that you are overreacting. You seem like a sweet young lady and I'm sure that you're just psyching yourself out. If you're really worried about confronting this guy I would recommend that you talk to him in private._

_Good Luck,_

_Romance According to Murata_

With that Murata shoved the papers into his folder and stood up. Murata then shook his hand to relieve the writing cramp he was starting to feel. However there were two things that were bothering him. The first thing that bothered him was the fact the he didn't know who was this Lady X. The second thing that bothered Murata was that he knew that Yuuri's letter was the letter and so he was stuck pondering where the mysterious letter with the green envelope appeared.

"Let's see I know when I looked down there were no more letters left then Gisela—" Murata paused as he looked out towards the doorway the Gisela walked out of minutes ago. "Did _she _leave that letter?" the former great sage pondered to himself as he looked at the doorway.

"No , it couldn't have been her. I would have noticed." Murata said to himself as grabbed his coat that was hanging off the back of his chair. He then walked out the door but paused and said, "But then again maybe," he thought before he shook his head, "nah."

* * *

Holy smokes this was a LOOOOOOOOONG chapter! I also hope to have the next chapter up soon.


	6. An Ending and New Beginning

**Title**: Romance According to Murata

**Genre**: Romance/Humor…mostly humor

**Pairings**: Various. Wolfram/Yuuri, Yozak/Conrart, Gwendel/Günter. Hinted Murata/Gisela (read a story with them as a side pairing once, thought it was cute.)

**Rating: **T

**Summary**: Shin Makoku, influenced by some of its citizens visiting Yuuri's world, decided to make their own newspaper. Murata is asked to write a column in the paper, and the double black decides to do a romantic advice column. Now people all over Shin Makoku are coming to Murata for romantic advice! What's a reincarnated Great Sage to do?

_This is for letters/responses to letters. _

**A/N 1: Yes, I'm ALIVE! Will wonders ever cease, right? Anyways, this is the last chapter and I want to thank everyone that has read, favorited, alerted, or reviewed this story. (Also to the readers of The **_**Backhanded Slap**_** I am working on it and if all goes right there will be an update next weekend.) **

----

Murata walked down the halls of the temple towards his self proclaimed office, which was in reality slightly bigger than a closet, whistling merrily to himself. The cause of the double black's pleasant mood was the fact that Gisela had asked if she could talk to him in private later on today. However, he first had to tackle those letters for the fickle hearts of Shin Makoku.

"Hmm…I wonder who this one is from." Murata grinned to himself as he pick up the envelope on the top pile on his desk as he sat down in little chair before he unceremoniously ripped open the letter and began to read.

_Dear Geika,_

_How dare Sara, the bastard, call me a tramp in his last letter! I am a Von Bielefeld damn it; I DO have standards! Now thanks to the long laired freak everyone in the castle thinks that Yuuri and I are having sex! I mean, yes, the majority of the castle already knew that I was sharing my room with Yuuri but now everyone thinks, because of Sara, that Yuuri and I are having…inappropriate relations. _

_As soon as the paper was delivered Günter had a conniption and went on and on about Heika's chastity. Not to mention brother Gwendel still can't even look me in the eyes anymore. Mother, however, seems to be happy about what Sara was insinuating and said that I was finally waking progress and quite frankly her reaction frightens me a little._

_Conrart is the only one not mentioning the article. He either didn't read the article or is pretending that he never read it. Then again Conrart has been acting peculiar lately and is walking around with a stupid smile on his face and I'm afraid his redheaded friend may be the cause. _

_To set the record straight, I don't sneak and sleep in Yuuri's room; I sleep in OUR room even if the wimp doesn't fully acknowledge that it is OUR room. Also, it's not like I'm forcing myself on him, unlike mind controlling, vindictive, Sara. Don't try and deny it Sara! You know you would! _

_I'll admit you advice that I should go on a date with Yuuri did help with my rage against the bespectacled bastard, Saralegui. True, getting Yuuri to actually go on a date with me was like pulling teeth. However, after I politely told him that it's normal for fiancés to go out and he eventually conceded. _

_It was a lot of fun and we were both in disguise so we didn't have to worry about wandering around town and making a scene. A carnival was conveniently town and we spent the afternoon there. There was a game at one of the stands that involved people throwing balls at some old bottles that are piled up on one another and if you knocked them all down you won a prize. Well it took Yuuri two tries to knock the bottles down and it only took me one attempt._

_Anyways, I suppose the point I'm trying to make here is, TAKE THAT Sara! Yuuri and I do have a future! Has he ever willingly gone on a date with you when you weren't mentally controlling him? Of course you never went on a date with him and you never will! _

_Signed,_

_Wolfram Von Bielefeld_

"Wow, so Wolf's relationship with Yuuri is making some progress." Murata smiled after he was done reading the letter. He then grinned in mock satisfaction as he leaned back in his chair and pondered aloud, "even if it was at the expense of both their reputations in the castle." The double black shook his while he grabbed a fresh sheet of paper and chuckled, "although, I would have loved to have seen both Günter's and Gwendel's reaction in person".

_Wolfram,_

_Wow, no alias this time. Good for you! Also, congratulations on your date. If you keep making little baby steps like that I'm sure you'll bag your wimp in no time at all! Just remember to keep your temper in check around him. We wouldn't want a barbequed fiancé after all!_

_Signed,_

_Romance According to Murata. _

_P.S. Are you sure there's nothing going on between you and Yuuri? You have to admit, that thin little negligee is quite revealing._

"I just wish I could see Wolf's expression when he reads the last part of my response." Murata chuckled as he set his quill is the ink well. The reincarnated sage then placed his response on top of Wolfram's letter.

"I hope Wolfram doesn't mind that I didn't write him a long response." Murata muttered pausing as he reached for another letter. "After all," Murata shrugged as he grabbed the envelope on top of the pile, "it doesn't seem like he needs anymore advice because I believe he has his relationship with Yuuri on the right track now." With that final thought Murata ripped open the envelope.

_Murata,_

_Why must you print Saralegui's letters? Because of what he wrote half the people in the castle thinks I'm taking advantage of Wolfram. While the other half thinks Wolf is forcing himself on me._

_I'm telling you it was awful. I was signing some documents in my office, minding my own business, when Günter came bursting into the office. Günter was crying and apologizing about how he failed to protect my chastity from, "Wolfram's wiles as well as his lustful and wicked intentions."_

_Since I didn't read your article I was baffled by what Günter was saying. So I kept saying that Günter was mistaken and that I honestly had no clue what he was talking about. Günter didn't seem to pay any attention to me, however, and continued to go on and on about me and Wolfram. _

_Gwendel then bursted through the door, with an angry expression on his face, causing Günter to stop mid-rant and look over at Gwendel. In retrospect the whole situation was quite comical, especially with Gwendel's singed eyebrows due to Anissana's "__I'll-make-you-tell-the-truth-or-I'll-zap-you-kun."__ Gwendel glared at me, face red with what I assumed was anger, before his eyes set on Günter. Gwendel's face turned an interesting shade of green his face then turned scarlet before he basically ran out the door with Günter following close behind him telling Gwendel to wait. _

_I'm pretty sure there's a story there concerning Gwendel and Günter strange behavior. _

_Anyways, moments after Gwendel and Günter left Wolfram stomped into my office ranting about Saralegui. This time I took your advice and said nothing. I didn't defend Sara or anything I just listened Wolf rant. Wolfram then announced that we were going to go on a date. I didn't even get a chance to complain or to argue with him because he grabbed me by my arm and literally dragged me out of my office._

_I'll admit, at first when Wolf said when we going to go out on a date I thought it would be an awful experience. But, to my surprise, once Wolfram stopped yelling about Sara I had fun. We even went to this little street carnival and we played this game that was similar to the one back home where you knock old bottles down by throwing a ball. Also, since I know Wolf is going to tell you this without giving all the facts, The only reason why I had to throw the ball twice was because a little kid ran into me when I went to throw the ball and it messed up my aim! _

_Well, back to my point, please stop printing Sara's letters._

_Yuuri_

Murata sighed in satisfaction once he finished reading his friend's letter. It appeared as though he was right about Wolfram having everything under control. Also, was it just him or did it appear that Yuuri was slowly developing feeling for his fiancé?

"About damn time Shibuya." Murata half heartedly cursed at his friend's denseness about his and Wolfram's feelings. Murata then grabbed a fresh piece of paper and began to write his response to Yuuri's letter.

_Yuuri,_

_Yeah, yeah, a little kid ran into you and that's why you had to try knocking over the bottles again. Let me guess, the sun was also in your eyes right? Is there some sort of secret competition going on between you and your fiancé that I don't know about?_

_Concerning Sara's letters you know I can't stop printing them. I promised I would help anyone who wrote in for advice and Sara in no exception. Sorry if it makes things more difficult for you but it definitely makes things more entertaining for the rest of us!_

_Signed, _

_Romance According to Murata._

"That solves that." Murata smiled as he placed the letter and the response into the letter. "It appears as though not many people need advice today. I guess things are working out for everyone." Murata grinned as he glanced over and saw that he had only two envelopes left on his desk. With that final thought Murata reached over and grabbed the second to last letter and ripped it open.

_Geika,_

_If I didn't know any better I'd think you were a sadist. How could you print my letter when it was obvious that I threw it away and someone else FORGED my name! Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was when I was reading the paper and saw the note that I know I threw away printed in the paper!_

_Then I read what Sara wrote and I was outraged that someone would call by little brother a tramp. Only moments later did I realize that Wolfram probably read the article already and thought it was in the kingdom's best interest if I warned Yuuri so he could hide from my little brother until he cold off a little. Then the person I was hoping I wouldn't see, Günter, was already in the royal study overreacting to the letter. It was then that I realized that if he read Sara's letter then chances were he also read mine. With that thought in mind I quickly turned around and went to walk away, completely content to wait until after Günter was done talking with Yuuri._

_Of course Günter couldn't allow that to happen. Günter chased me down the hall demanding that I stop. Naturally I didn't stop and continued to walk as fast as I could and pretend that I didn't hear him .It is seemed like a good plan and all I had to do was keep it up until I reached my office and locked my office doors._

_However, it is easy to forget that Günter can be deadly serious when he wants to be and is an excellent soldier; he did train Conrart after all. Anyways, I was arm's length away from my office door before Günter tackled me! I mean he sailed though the air and knock me down, roughly, to the ground and I think he may have dislocated my shoulder. _

_There I was lying in the middle of the hall, where anyone could have walked by, lying on my back with Günter on top of me. _

_He then forced to me to talk to him about the letter. Fist I told him that I didn't send it in and someone forged my name. However, I believe he got the wrong idea and I saw hurt flash on his face momentarily before he got up and apologized. I felt awful and told that I did write the letter but I never intended to send it to you. _

_I've never seen such a quick turnaround in someone emotional state in all my life. Let's just leave it at that. _

_So I guess I'm writing to tell you thank you, _

_Gwendel Von Voltaire._

_P.S. I better not see this letter is the paper._

"So, I was right. Günter was jealous and thought Gwendel had thing for someone other than himself." Murata said smugly after he was done reading the letter. He knew Günter wasn't that nosey about other people's business. "I suppose I could just write back to him privately instead of publishing his letter," Murata thoughtfully said to himself, "after all the poor guy has been embarrassed enough."

"Who has been embarrassed enough?" Gisela questioned from the doorway surprising Murata and almost causing to fall out of his seat.

"Ah, Gisela. I didn't expect you so soon." Murata chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head. "I was talking about Gwendel." He continued, gesturing towards the letter.

"Oh," Gisela replied as her eyes lit up. "Yes, he and father are something of an item now, which surprised me since I thought father had a thing for Heika." She chuckled good naturedly. "But I guess father had a thing for Gwendel ever since he had a cursed crown on his head and Gwendel was forced to kiss him."

"A cursed crown and a crown, huh?" Murata repeatedly slowly as he raised his eyebrow in confusion while Gisela shrugged.

"Are you still working?" Gisela asked as he nervously shifted her weight side to side. "Because if you are I can just come back when you're done."

"No, that's not necessary." Murata quickly replied as he hastily grabbed for the last envelope. "Plus I only have one more letter."

"Oh," Gisela breathed out as she walked more into Murata's makeshift office while the double black ripped the envelope open. "I suppose I can wait until you're done to talk to you."

"Oh dear Shinou." Murata said out loud while obviously not hearing what Gisela just said. "This is from Anissina."

"Lady Anissina!?" Gisela parroted in a far more baffled tone than Murata. "Is she asking for romantic advice?!"

"No, no, it's nothing like that." Murata hurried as he waved his hands in front of his face. "She wants me to stop writing a romantic advice column. She says I'm causing more trouble than helping and wants me to write something else."

"Oh," Gisela sighed in relief before she asked, "What are you going to write about now?"

"I don't know but I'll just mail my responses to the people that wrote in today instead of publishing then in the next issue," Murata shrugged before he directed his attention to Gisela. "So you wanted to talk to me about something important?"

"Yes , I do." She nodded as she leaned over Murata's desk. She then winked at the double black before continuing, "But first, I overheard Heika talking about the different articles on Earth and I think there's one that you would like to write."

Murata raised his eyebrow out of curiosity and smiled slyly, "And what kind of article would that be?"

* * *

_**The Voice of Shin Makoku Newspaper**_

_Dear Geika,_

"_I'm afraid that the advice that you have been publishing has been causing more harm than good. Therefore, I ask that you cease and desist writing your romance column in favor of something else._

_Signed,_

_Lady Anissina Von Karbelnikoff" _

_Ladies and gentlemen, due to the request by my editor that is posted at the top I am afraid I must resign in writing my "Romance According to Murata" advice column. I do hope that I have helped those who have wrote is as well as helped others who did not write in. Now, instead of writing my advice column I well now be writing:_

_Murata's Inside Scoop_

_A gossip article_

_From my inside sources there's a bad case of the love bug. The working staff, soldiers, nobles, Lords, and Ladies are courting one another and finally making a move on the ones that make their hearts skip a beat. There is some serious wining and dining going on!_

_According to several sources a certain royal couple has been caught kissing is the gardens by their adoptive daughter and several maids. Eye witnesses say that the royal pair panicked at being caught in the gardens and still blush crimson if anyone brings it up. The royal couple has also been spotted sneaking out of the castle to go on romantic rendezvous. _

_According to my eyes on the inside, Lady X, the will soon be a royal wedding. Before anyone gets there hopes up, no, it doesn't involve Heika Yuuri or the royal consort Wolfram. However it is one of the consorts' older brothers and I must say it about time these two got hitched and I do wonder why it took these two so long to see that they belong with one another. Also, according to my inside sources, there will soon be the pitter patter of tiny feet running up and down the of covenant castle. A certain couple at the castle will soon be expecting their first child. _

_Catch your attention? Must know the rest of the details? Need to know the progress Wolfram is making with his fiancé? Must know who is the couple at the castle that will be getting married soon? Are you dying to find out who is expecting a child? Find out tomorrow in the next installment in tomorrow's newspaper._

_This had been the inside scoop with Murata Ken and Lady X._

"I think this went over well," Murata smiled deviously as he read his column in the paper. He then looked over at his partner in crime and smiled deviously, "don't you think so too 'Lady X'?"

"I have to fully agree," Gisela smiled as she leaned in closer to Murata so she could get a better look at their article while Murata's smile broadened.

Oh yes, life was good to the former sage.

* * *

**END!**

**Authors note: Wo~hoo! It's done and Murata got the girl in the end! In case anyone curious about the baby thing I'm leaving that up to you, the reader, to interpret. That way if you're into m-preg then one of the guys are pregnant, if you're not into that then it can be one of the maids or even Lady Celi. **

**Well this has been fun to write and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I have!**


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